So pretty much every girl who grew up mormon remembers making the list of what you want in a future husband. I know I have about 20 lists in various journals and boxes. And everyone ends up writing the same thing about how they want a good mormon boy with a good sense of humor who wants kids. Typical. I'd laugh every time we did those lists starting when I was 15 because I realized that is totally not the kind of guy I tend to be attracted to. Spending all of high school and what college I've been through in Utah about 99% of my options have been members of the church but I wasn't usually attracted to the ones with every duck in a row. And obviously no one is perfect, but there just tended to be certain things included in the package that I never thought I'd have to deal with when it came to finding a guy I really liked. And then I went to BYU and I'm pretty sure most of the guys I thought I liked I only liked cuz I felt out not liking anyone and really wanted to like someone. While no one is perfect and no two people are exactly alike, I've found that I'm not really attracted to the stereotypical BYU guy that a lot of girls want. And there is nothing wrong with those guys, it's just not what I find attractive. At all. And to every girl the guy they're in love with will be the most amazing guy ever and he will be so different from everyone else. To me, not many guys at BYU, or in Utah in general, have wowed me as different. It's happened, and I've been surprised, but nothing's ever been quite it.
So then I head out to Florida.
There are very few guys that I look at an think "Daaaaang he's hott." I am much more attracted to personality and then after getting to know someone they become very attractive to me. And after that I'm pretty picky about what happens between me and guys. It's been nearly 10 months since I've been in any sort of relationship, and longer if you're counting real, official relationships. 10 months since a lot of things.
There are some pretty amazing people here. Many that are much more interesting and fun than anyone at BYU. People here are much less judgmental and much less worried about how they compare to everyone else.
I don't like specific boys anymore. I just find guys I absolutely love and have the attitude of "well, I hope I can find someone like them someday!"
I'll marry a guy who's a mormon..absolutely, no doubt about it, it will happen. But sometimes I worry that I'm not going to be able to find someone who will make me happy. There are boys who, for some period of time, have been the one who could always make me smile. I would think "yeah, I could see myself with him. He makes me happy" for a select few. There are a few guys here that I like so much better than any guy I know in Utah. No, they're not members, but they're cute. They know how to flirt. And they aren't bad guys either just looking for action. Obviously some are but I think a lot of people in Utah have the feeling that everyone not a member is just out messing around all the time. And I'll be perfectly honest--if I was the kind of girl who just kissed boys, there are lots more here I'd wanna kiss than in Utah. The most unlikely of people is the one who makes me smile now. Romantic interest? No. Not even someone I know all that well. I don't even know what it is. But bam. Smile. Every time. Done and done.
I've been left. I've been hurt. I've been cheated on. I've been lied to. I've been crushed. I've been beaten down. I've been scarred. I've been scared. I've been changed. I've been traumatized.
What's wrong with me?
I like to tell myself that they just realize I'm not as happy as I could be with someone better for me than them.
The kid I first dated is married and the wife is now pregnant, meaning I probably dated him longer than they knew each other before she got pregnant. Weird? Yeah. Thank goodness that wasn't me. My sister is officially engaged. Another weird thing I'll be dealing with. I'm so happy for her. But I can't even see myself with anyone anymore. It's too weird. And me and her have never been able to have boy luck at the same time. I swear it's not allowed. Maybe now that she'll be married it'll be my turn.
Yesterday I was in Hollywood studios and this kid working at Toy Story Mania gave me 7 fast passes when the wait was going to be 100 minutes. Sometimes it pays to be cute and flirt--it saved me a lot of time haha.
All typical, seminary answers aside..this is what any interested boy should know about what I want and such when it comes to me and boys:
1. If you ask me if you can kiss me, the answer will be no. I've never said yes to that question. Ever.
2.When I find the guy I want to give my heart to, I want him to be the one who won't take it away.
3. Know what you want, have a plan, strive for better.
4. If you don't/can't make fun of me, you don't know me well enough.
5. If you don't let me throw the insults and sarcasm and throw it back, I will get bored.
6. Have an opinion. Fight me for mine.
7. It's all about the story.
I'm just such a hopeless romantic. Whenever it rains, whenever I'm under the fireworks, whenever the weather is perfect and I see the sun set, whenever I'm watching a really cute movie, whenever I'm in a blanket on the couch...I want to share it. I want someone to make perfect moments for me.
I've seen pieces of what I want. And I've been told not to settle. But how can I have it all? There are 4 specific guys that have one thing I want to take and stick them all together into one guy. Unfortunately that isn't quite possible. The only thing I can think of that every single one of those 4 guys lack is the inability to be completely upfront. That and follow through with things they say. Maybe that's one thing that's just impossible to find. Please, someone come and prove me wrong.
Conclusion. Maybe I'll be better off staying single.
Outside my window: a guy who wants to take me golfing.
You are a good writer and I love reading your blog. I hope you find your man when the time is right and that in the time between now and then... find some guys that can make you happy and not regret the time you have with them. Love you Linz!
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ReplyDeleteIt's ok. You just don't like boys. You still have options...
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Nah, it looks like you're just in a different place than you feel you should be. I doubt that my advice comes with much inherent weight, seeing as my track record is special-olympian in scope, but:
We're so freaking young. There's a reason that most people wait until later than their early 20s to get married. It's hard finding people worth dating, MUCH less someone worth considering for marriage. There's no reason to be bent out of shape over it -- it's easy to feel like you're too picky to find someone truly right, but that's melodrama. The odds are stacked in your favor. There are so many people in the world; you're bound to find one right for you if you're looking.
Building realistic expectations *is* important, but it's also pretty easy. When I write my lists, and yes, I write lists-- I tend to write them around people and the qualities I've been attracted to before. I also prioritize them, with the top traits being ones that absolutely MUST be there and the ones below, the ones that can come later or not at all. You just shouldn't feel like you're settling when you are in a relationship with someone, even if that means staying out of the big leagues for a little bit. In the wise words of a friend, "The games always more fun before you go pro anyways."
All in all, you'll be fine :) I'm with Holly on the other guys thing. I doubt you know EXACTLY what you want in a boy yet. I know I had no idea what I really wanted until I met some unique girls that I might not originally have picked out as top contenders. That said, people at BYU are... eh.
I know I've written just about as much as your blog post :P but it's easy to get carried away. I figure it can't hurt.
P.S. I'm totally with ya on the moment-making. Some people just don't have an adequate sense of romance :P That said, most people want to share the things that amaze them with others. If it happens to make life seem like a movie, well, that's just for bonus points. ;)
P.P.S. A boy asking to kiss is like a basketball player asking every time he shoots. It's not respectful, it's ridiculous.
If you can find 80% of what you really want, you're doing well. Talking from my own limited experience, there are many people that have 70% of what someone wants, less that have 80% and very few that have 85-90% which is really what you want. It makes life that much more interesting if you don't get quite everything that you want, but if you get close, you'll love life. Just be patient because it WILL happen in its own time.
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